I think this is the earliest I've ever written a birth story!
Liam, I was so excited for you to get here! With you being my third, I felt like I more or less knew what to expect. I assumed that we would have a bit of a difficult time getting you here, just like your brother and sister. I assumed you would be tiny and perfect and I couldn't wait to hold you on my chest the second you were born. I was most excited for the hospital bubble, spending time relaxing with just you.
But, I want to rewind for a second. Your original due was September 30th and the plan was to induce you on the 26th (daddy's birthday). Your pregnancy was normal and healthy. You measured a little bit small, but after Fitz we weren't super worried. My blood pressure was up and down though and because of that my doctor was on high alert. It had actually lowered for the 3rd trimester, so we didn't think it would be any sort of problem. So, I went in for my weekly appointment on a Thursday and I had high BP, just 2 points higher than it needed to be. When my doc saw this she turned to me and asked if I wanted to have you by Saturday. I was more than ready and agreed because I wanted her to be the one to deliver you. I don't know if my doctor just wanted to deliver you at a convenient time but either way, it was divine intervention, I'm sure of it.
I called your Dad on my way home and he was shocked. I was too excited to care. I was actually scheduled to go in the next night (Friday) to get everything moving, so we had to get everything ready quickly. Friday was the longest day ever. I was called to go in to LDS hosptial at 9 p.m. We loaded up Ellie and Fitz and they admitted me. I was planning on sending your dad home with the kids but at the last minute we decided to have him take Ellie and Fitz to Nana's and Papa's for the night. Good thing he did because I progressed quickly and by 4:30 you were ready to come! I couldn't believe it because it took Ellie and Fitz FOREVER to come, especially Fitz.
You were a bit different from your siblings in that labor wasn't very stressful. My anesthesiologist was amazing and I was sitting pretty for most of it. You kept your heart rate up for the most part but I did have to strap on the good old oxygen mask. I was planning on it though. When my doc got there I was ready to push and you were out in about 5 pushes. You made it to my stomach, but as they cleaned you up they realized that you were having a hard time breathing on your own. So they had to take you over to the table to help you with that. They kept saying that you should be good in just a second, but they had to take you to the NICU because you just couldn't hang. Before they took you the nurses kept saying, "look at all that hair!". I thought they were joking, but they weren't. You came out with the cutest, longest, silkiest blonde hair I've seen on a baby and you still have it at 4 months. It's still untamable and I LOVE IT.
I sent your daddy with you and I was surprised how not worried I was. I think I was mostly in shock, and was for the next 48 hours. After living through it all and looking back, I'm sure it was my coping method because being wheeled to my room without my baby was heartbreaking. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about that. Once I was settled into my room I got extra anxious because I just kept waiting for your daddy to bring you back so we could all be together. He sent me these 2 pictures in the process:
I couldn't even see what you looked like! It was killing me! Eventually, Dad came back, but without you. In my mind, it was just a matter of moments until everything was back to normal, but it was 6 hours until I was even able to go and visit you. Isn't that ridiculous that I had to go and visit my own baby! I hadn't even held you yet, or seen your face for that matter. When I was finally able to hold you it was surreal. You were so tiny and so adorable. Granted, I didn't get to see you without any kind of tubes until you were almost a week old, but I could just tell. I knew how long you had waited to get here and it just wasn't fair that you had to be under so much stress. After the nurse gave us the rundown of what everything was and what was going on I asked when I would be able to take you back to my room. She told me you'd be staying here, until I was discharged, at least. I was shocked and was so sad. What I have learned about the NICU is they don't like to give parents timelines. Which I get, but is the most infuriating thing ever. I do have to put in a plug for our nurses. Nurses are angels that walk this earth, I'm sure of it. You were always under the best care.
So, again, I was sent back to my room, without you. My doc came in to check on me and gave me an ambien so that I could finally get some sleep. The second I woke up though I was back to needing to see you. The second time there, everything hit me much harder. I realized that even after almost a whole day, things had stayed the same and I would be going to bed without my baby. Moms should never have to be in their hospital room without their babies. Never. If we're looking for the positive, I did get almost a full nights sleep your first week of life, which I guess is unheard of. It was such a bitter sweet time. When all of the emotions and fears were stripped away, I knew you were going to be ok. I knew you'd come home with us. I knew how badly you were fighting to be here and I was (and am) so proud of you.
The next week ended up being one of the most trying weeks of my life. But I'll write about that next time. I'm so glad you're here my sweet Liam. You were so anxious to get here. I'm sure I've told you, but you came to visit me a few days after we brought Fitz home from the hospital. I couldn't tell much about you except that you were SO excited to come. I felt like you were telling me that you were ready to come whenever we would have you and that you missed your brother. You came a few other times the year and I really and truly believe that if I hadn't felt you, I wouldn't have been very ready for you to come. Honestly, I think Fitz wasn't very anxious to come here because he didn't want to leave you. I can't wait to watch your relationship with each other grow and develop. You two need each other. So, thank you for coming to visit me before you came sweetheart. It is one of the experiences I hold most dear to my heart and I will never forget it.
I love you William.
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