LETTERS TO ELLIE

And thus shall be her name forever and ever until the end of time. Or until we change it to something else.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, I've been trying to keep a journal about everything. I haven't been extremely diligent, but I think I've gotten the important things. I've been keeping track of my thoughts in this little red journal and writing the entries as letters to my child.

At first, I felt a little dumb writing to my poppy seed, but as we found out she was a she and then that we would most likely call her Ellie, the letters have gotten so much easier to write. It's so fun to tell her what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, and she can't even sass me back about it yet. I'm hoping to do a little better as she comes closer to being fully cooked, but it's better than nothing.

I've noticed that first children always get the most swag because there aren't any others before them, but this is something I hope that I can at least do for each of them. Other than that, I'm not promising anything.

Also, just while we're on just subject, we're actually not really, last August I was in Vegas on a ladies trip. We were shopping our little hearts out when I came across these baby jammies...and then I bought them.

This is why I felt so stupid at the moment"

1. I was not pregnant (obvi) and did not plan on being pregnant for a while. I was still scared. Actually if we're being real right now, I still am. I'm growing a human.

2. I knew that I would probably never have a girl and that they would just end up being a really cute shower gift.

3. Before that I tried to justify in my mind if these would in any way for for a boy...maybe if I took off the ruffle butt? J.rue later informed me that no son of his would be caught dead wearing polka dots.

I was so embarrassed buying them. I thought for sure the sales girl would know that I wasn't buying these for someone else. She was judging me with her eyes. Then when I got home it took me about 3 days to tell j.rue that I had bought some jammies with no baby in sight. He was not impressed, but said he would allow it if I would please not do that again. He doesn't like our money being "tied up" in silly things like baby jammies. Weird right? I only bought one more pair, for a boy. You know, just to be fair.

And here we are almost a year later and these jammies are still my favorite things. I still pull them out every now and again just to look at them and can't believe I'm actually going to have a real live girl baby to put in them. Unless she's a 10 pounder (please no), they probably won't fit for a little while, but don't worry. There will be pictures of her drowning in these within her first few weeks of life because I really just won't be able to stand waiting. They're just my favorite thing.

It's such a surreal feeling and I can't even imagine what it'll be like when we're driving to the hospital. Until then, I'm just content to daydream - and hopefully get her dang room painted.