THINGS I WANT TO REMEMBER RIGHT NOW

I have been terrible about documenting the first 8 weeks of Ellie's life and I'm having terrible mother guilt over it. Last night I couldn't sleep and I had about a million thoughts running through my head so I started jotting them down. Since it was of course not written in a journal, but several pieces of notebook paper, I figured I better type it up before I loose it. Hand written journals are overrated, except they're not. This is just 1000x easier.

- Ellie giggles when I sit down to nurse her. It's kind of like a laugh/cry with a little big of piglet mixed it. I love it more than words can describe.

- I love when Ellie looks at me and smiles. It really might top everything, except maybe when she looks at me and does her little dove coos. She's started being so much more responsive in the last two days.

- I want so badly to record her life better.

- I worry that I'm not giving Ellie enough time during the day. I've got to stop stressing about getting "stuff" done and just giving her time.

-Doing this (writing down my thoughts) makes me happy.

- Cradle cap is gross.

- Expensive baby clothes are stupid but I can't resist a good baby Gap sale to save my life.

- I have a daughter named Eleanor and I love her name. My child is beautiful.

- I want to stop being chubby and start being awesome. (please say someone can name that TV show?)

-I can't get into decorating for Christmas this year, but I want traditions, so many of them. Good thing I decorated yesterday. Yuck.

- I want all of my children to have a magical childhood and I want to be part of it.

-My diet has consisted of 90% pretzels for the last 3 days.

- I've been too focused on accomplishing tasks and trying to live a perfect day-to-day life. It does not exist.

- Comparison really is the thief of joy. It's really why I don't really read blogs anymore and why I need to get over instagram.

- Loving my handwriting tonight

- I always want Ellie to know how unconditionally I love her.

- We've already talked about sibling names for Ellie. I secretly hope she has a sister next: Violet, Scarlett, or Charlotte. However, I don't think she'll have any sisters.

- I've been making baked goods every Sunday. It's a love/hate thing.

- I am so happy right now

- I love writing.

- There are way too many "I" statements going on right now

- I used to care that people read my blog. Now I could care less, it's funny how priorities change.

- My dogs are so neglected right now and I don't know what to do about it. It breaks my heart.

- I will order Ellie's birth announcements this week...or next.

- Have I mentioned that I need more balance in my life?

- I love working from home but it's 1000x harder than I thought it would be.

- I want to be an awesome Personal Progress advisor but I'm scared to get started.

- If my baby didn't sleep through the night I don't know how I would function. I'm scared to have another baby because I know there is no possible way I will get another one that is as well behaved.

- I kind of want to be a little bit of a bad ass, but just a little.

- I severely lack self discipline. Today I'm only eating one brownie, but we'll see (I actually ate 3). See? Told you.

- I'm scared of being poor, but really it doesn't matter when I look at the big picture. Our heat went out today and I'm so thankful that we can fix it. We won't be able to do much else above and beyond that, but basic needs, right?

- I hope people remember me as a kind, hardworking, loving, and happy girl.

- I want to take a solid day and do nothing but cuddle and play with Ellie, but I won't be able to do that/enjoy it until my house is clean. I'm cleaning my house this week and taking that day next Tuesday. I think I need to do that at least once or twice a month. She's growing way too fast.

- I hope j.rue knows how much I love him. It's so so much.

- I think I'll be able to sleep now that this is all written out.

...and I did sleep like a baby. I'm going to start doing this again, just for myself and Ellie. It's important and really not that hard. Oh, and it's my therapy. It lifts weights off my shoulders that build up so quickly.

We're blessing Ellie this Sunday, the day she turns two months old. I love when things match up perfectly like that. Oh and now I'm going to finish off cleaning my house so I can have next Tuesday with my little Ellie Bean.