A Girl, Her Clothesline...and other thoughts on womanhood

Sometime in February our dryer went kaput. That was one of those devastating moments when I was pretty sure that my life would end, just because sometimes I'm a little dramatic. After we accepted that it couldn't be fixed, and started scoping out our next victim that very day. I say victim because in the short 3.5 years that we've been married we've been thru 4 dryers. FOUR! Now, we do have to take into consideration that these were all used dryers, but really? 4? 

After hours of searching and calling and whining (this was mostly me), we could not find anything that I wanted to spend $100. The wheels in my head started turning and I realized that I've wanted  two matching front loaders for well, a while, so I plead my case to j.rue that if  I could just line dry everything until then, think of all the money we'd be saving! When j.rue heard about this madness he laughed out loud. There was no way his undomestic goddess was going to line dry every sing sock and pair of underpants, but he agreed. I think he didn't think I could make it. Well guess what? Here we are, 4 months later, and I'm still a clothesline lova. In case you're worried about the cold temps, I have a line inside that I use in the winter. Problem solved, except that when I put too many clothes on it, it falls off the wall. Only the highest of high class at Ruesch Manor. But oh how I love our outside clothes line in the summer. I think I shall always have one, at least to dry our sheets with. Have you ever smelled your sheets after they've dried outside??? Pure summer magic.

This weekend, when j.rue and I were driving home from one of our weekend adventures we started talking about future offspring and how things will be so different, like having me stay at home while our kids were little. Now, I've always struggled with this concept. Growing up, I always wanted to be a career girl, because that's what my mom was, and it worked well for her and us. I never played house or took care of my baby dolls, I did "paperwork" at my desk or asked my teacher for extra homework sheets over the summer so I could play school (I know, I bet you wish you were my friend growing up). I knew I was going to graduate college, have a fantastic career, travel the world, get married when I was older, and then maybe throw some kids in the mix. Well, I did graduate college, but other than that, I kind of veered from my plans.

I got married when I was 19.5, and honestly, I hate telling people that, it'w why I make sure to add the half in there. Like it makes things any better/ If I had a quarter for every time someone told me the statistics of divorce in young marriages, well, I'd be traveling the world right now. It's almost like people pity me. I kind of hate it. I do have a fantastic job, but will it turn into a fantastic career? Who knows? And as far as the kidlets go, I'm still terrified of them, but it's interesting how your ideals change, or at least how mine have changed since getting married and thinking about a family. 5 years ago I would have dropped dead hearing myself say this but, I was to stay home with those little critters when they come, at least until they're all in school.

Some days I worry that I will get bored maintaining a house and cooking meals, I'm the undomestic goddess, remember? And sometimes, I think there is no way that I would be able to keep a child alive. I worry about what society would think of me. Then, there are other days, more often then not now, where I can't wait to cook dinner every night and the idea of a sweet gurgling baby puts me over the moon. That's when I say, to heck with all you mean society members! Why is it that staying home has such a negative connotation? 

I ask because, for the longest time, I thought it was. I still struggle with it sometimes, work can be such a comforting constant and I enjoy it. But, then I ask myself, would it be comforting to work 9 hours a day, and then try to fit in: exercise, cleaning, cooking, taking care of a child (or 2), spending time with the husband, get ting my "me" time, walking the dogs, and participating in any other family, church, or community activities and then getting up do it all over again? Heck, I can't even do all of that now, and there are just 2 of us. Something would have to give and wouldn't it be nice to remove the 9 hour work day from the mix if possible? 

Again, my mom balanced it all the best she could and did a beautiful job, but sometimes work took all of her time and energy and it threw our balance off. I think it's a personal decision and whatever society is saying...forget about them. What do they know? So, I'm going to declare it out loud for all the birds to hear, I, Chelsea Ruesch, want to be a stay at home mom! and aint nothin gonna bring me down. How's that for a nice long opinion essay for your Tuesday?

But for now, I think I'll just stick with my clothesline, take-out dinners, and a messy house and see what life brings me in the next few years.

( my face looks awesomely oompa loompa ish in the photo - birthday camera, please come fast.)

p.s. I'm guest posting on The Little Love Birds today. I would love it if you would come and say hi!